15 Dragon Household Appliances and Tools (That Won’t Try to Eat You)

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On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like dragons? Ha ha! You know, ‘cause dragons have scales all over and stuff? Ah, that was terrible. But you wanna know what isn’t terrible? Dragon household appliances and tools sold by Amazon.com! Just make sure your dragon gets all the necessary shots and the correct diet of 100 sheep a day, especially if it’s purple. Now then, let’s have a look-see as to what this digital hoard has to offer, shall we?

 

Pens That Are Gray

 

If you write with a quill and inkwell, you’re- actually pretty cool now that I think about it… But hey, these dragon-y pens are pretty cool too! There are even a few gargoyles thrown into the mix. The one on the right looks like he could use a good laxative though. With a nice weight to them and smooth writing, these pens were bred in captivity to delight. There is a downside, however, as they don’t have caps. But hey, despite their fearsome appearances, they’re very unlikely to come stalking you in the night. I think.

View Pens on Amazon

 

Clock That Is Also Gray

What has seven hands, four feet, two tails, doesn’t move, and tells time? If you said a double dragon clock- you obviously cheated by looking at the above picture, so your answer doesn’t count. But this decoration does count, tracking the seconds, minutes, and hours with precious and grace. It doesn’t have an alarm, but it ticks pretty loudly, so it’ll add some decent ambience to a room. If you want a new clock to liven up your living space and turn a few heads, it might just be time to check this one out.

View Clock on Amazon

 

Pocket Knife That Is Gr- Wait, It’s NOT Gray!?

Do you need a new pocket knife right now? Mm, probably not. But just- just look at that dragonish beauty! It’s all colorful and awesome and sharp and awesome and compact and awesome. And awesome. The blade locks securely into place, and it fits nicely in the palm of your hand even if you live in a state where palms don’t grow. Plus, this lil dragon’s looking kinda blue right now, and I’m sure some company would cheer it right up. So even though you may not need a pocket knife right now, even though it’ll probably spend a chunk of its lifetime sitting in a kitchen drawer next to paperclips, dried pens, rubber bands, old letters, mouse dropping, a couple of pennies, and a dime so discolored you think it’s a penny, come on now, it’s still pretty appealing anyway, ain’t it?

View Pocket Knife on Amazon

 

Storage Compartment That Is Back to Gray

I like privacy sometimes. It’s so- private. Sometimes, I just don’t want people finding my stashes of 100% appropriate things. And for that, I turn to this hidden, dragon-y, book-y, compartment thingie. It may look like a mere decoration, but it’s not! On the inside, it contains- get ready for this- nothing! Isn’t that just wonderful? In the center of this handy item is pure space that you can use to conceal anything in plain sight. If you want a void of emptiness encased in a shell of style, you might want to look no farther than this.

View Storage Compartment on Amazon

 

Lamp That Is- Have We Really not Had Enough Gray yet?

You like light? Well, here’s a bright idea for ya: a dragon lamp. It’s like a regular lamp except the whole, you know, dragon thing. It’s beautifully detailed and includes the bulb. Delightful. Grab a shield, and be on your guard, though! An item like this sometimes arrives with a piece broken off, so if it’s a gift for a special occasion, it’s advised to buy it early so it can be exchanged in time if need be. Plus, it doesn’t come with a bulb, so you’d have to snag one of those for this. Just wanted you to have an illuminated experience.

View Lamp on Amazon

 

Pen Holder That Is- Why Even Bother Now

There’s an awesome way to hold your pens: getting a pen holder! And if you’re gonna get one, why not have it look like a dragon? I mean, just look at that carving quality. It’s like the little guy is diligently guarding your writing utensils. He’s all like, “Yeah, some adventurers stole all the gold in the hoard, so now I’ve been demoted to guarding ink containers. I don’t even have dental insurance anymore.” And as earthshattering as this may seem, believe it or not, cross my heart, this could even be used- as a paperweight. WOW!

View Pen Holder on Amazon

 

Bookmark That Has Something Other Than Gray! Hooray!

Closing a partially-read book + not damaging pages = good. Keeping your place + bending the corner of a page = bad. And I checked my math on a scientific calculator, so those are definitely correct. There is hope to avoid the latter, though: Buy this epic, metal, dragon bookmark to keep your place in grand adventures. Then you could finally wave good-bye to your paper-creasing days. Or just text a waving emoji if you’re one of those people. Either way, if you’re an avid reader, this here’s a great way to quickly find where you left off and keep your books’ hit points maxed out in the process.

View Bookmark on Amazon

 

Bookends with Another Color Too! Woohoo!

Gravity kinda sucks sometimes. It’s all like, “Oh, you want that book to stand upright? Well how ‘bout no!” Well, there’s a secret, super-powerful weapon that can defeat gravity without breaking a sweat. It looks at gravity and says, “I may need my cigarette lit, but you are no match for me!” That’s right. I am talking about none other than- bookends! Glorious, beautiful, affordable, draconic bookends! The craftsmanship of this item pair that keeps a row of books up is muwa! (You know, that sound you make when you press your fingers on your lips in a clump, quickly spread them apart while moving your hand away, and kissing the air.) Buy this bane of gravity designed to look like tough-as-nails dragons, and your books are sure to rise to the occasion. (Or stay risen at least.)

View Bookends on Amazon

 

Mug That Has Lots of not Gray- Safe at Last

The verb “mug” does not instill pleasant imagery. The noun form, however, can be pretty freaking sweet with the right design. Case in point, this gorgeous mug with the look of, you guessed it, a dragon. But not just any dragon. Nah, this sucka’s all steampunk, yo. Yeaaaaah. Made of copper and able to hold 13 ounces of liquid, it’s a beaut that even functions as a great decoration when not in use. You could even use it as a pot for steampunk flowers! Or regular flowers even! It contains metal, though, so be sure to avoid microwaves with it. The end result of that would be the opposite of fortunate; it would be unfortunate. Not to worry, though. If you plan to use this for coffee, just get yourself a drink heating pad and you’re good to go! That is, if you cough buy the cough mug.

View Mug on Amazon

 

Coasters That Mean I Spoke Too Soon

If your drinking habits have been coasting along without these, then- you’ve probably gotten along just fine. But hey, these coasters not only do regular coaster-y stuff like keeping liquid off your furniture and- whatever the heck else coasters do- but they also perform their duties with that sweet look of the king of lizards, the mighty freakin’ dragon. It even has a dragon coaster holder which, in case you were not aware, not only holds dragon coasters but also regular coasters to boot. Crazy, huh? Even just sitting on a shelf, this setup is enough to make any room at least 20% cooler.

View Coasters on Amazon

 

Salt and Pepper Holder That Is- Yeah

You enjoy holdin’ yourself some salt and pepper shakers? Mm-hm. Didn’t think so. That’s why we have stands to do the work for us. There might be a salt and pepper holder uprising one day, but in the meantime, why not spruce up your kitchen with that special look that only dragons provide? It even comes with shakers that fit perfectly. But yikes, I mean, just look at his face! He does not look happy to be standing around all day holding up your shakers. Still, you’d be giving him a nice home, so it’s the least he can do.

View Salt and Pepper Holder on Amazon

 

Toilet Paper Holder That at Least Has Red Eyes

You know what’s like, almost always incredibly boring? Toilet paper holders. The fine art of removing toilet paper to cleanse one’s lower cheeks is rather dull, and that’s a crime against sewage. But what if I told you that you could wipe yourself with the aid of- a dragon! Are you squeeing hardcore yet? I know I did! Only thing is the installation; it’s- not the most fun thing in the world. Still, picking up one of these laboring beauties means wiping that buttocks in style! Who doesn’t want that?

View Toilet Paper Holder on Amazon

 

Wine Holder That Is, of Course, Without a Doubt, as to Be Expected, Indubitably Gray

Does life frequently make you whine? Is something ailing you? Are you in poor spirits? Does it seem like someone is always fermenting a load trouble? When you try to make strides during bad times, does it seem you only make tiny hops? Do- Okay, okay, I’ll stop. But uh- dragon wine holder, everybody! Ain’t she just lovely? Doncha just love the pose that makes her look like she’s guzzling your precious booze away? She’ll hold your various alcohol bottles and look adorable in the process. Just be sure to check her I.D. to confirm she’s the legal drinking age in your area.

View Wine Holder on Amazon

 

Ash Tray That- SERIOUSLY, WHAT’S WITH ALL THE GRAAAY!?

Speaking of cigarettes, dragons and smokers are kindred spirits; they both exhale fumes, and passersby tend to keep away from them. And what better way to symbolize the bond these two groups share than with an ashtray in the form of a majestic dragon? Your cigarettes’ charred remains will go from wasted trash clump to pile of bedding for this resting critter. Don’t scatter your ashes to the wind! Let them comfort a carnivorous monstrosity instead.

View Ash Tray on Amazon

 

Stapler That Caused My Color-Based Meltdown

You wanna know a great staple of desk appliances? A stapler! And when it comes to piercing the flattened remains of trees, try this one shaped like a dragon’s head. It makes you feel like you’re binding papers together with dragon teeth. It might not hold too many staples at once or say, “Nom nom nom,” when you push it down, but by golly, who doesn’t want to look like a dragon tamer when documents need to be bound? Just try not to drop it on your foot. For a brief moment at least, you wouldn’t even look like a sheep tamer.

View Stapler on Amazon

 

All I wanna see now is a dragon porta potty, and I’d pay top gold for one of those. It probably wouldn’t appreciate its meals all that much, though. Welp, I hope this list had something you could sink your teeth into, and that’s all for now. Wouldn’t want this article to start- dragon on. Thanks for reading, and God bless.

Author: The Bad Wordplayer

Yo. I enjoy writing and will do my best to entertain as I share video games and other cool merchandise I come across.

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